Taiwan Part 12 - 12:33 AM

I didn't blog yesterday. A reason is cause my phone was out of battery on my way home. So I couldn't like use my 'free time' to blog. But yesterday was just a normal day I guess.

Except the overwhelming sense of familiarity with Benedict. (: I've known him for so long. Since p5. But we haven't been keeping in touch as much since sec3 where we went to separate classes.

Of all immersion programmes I've participated in, the only thing in common of the three is that all were with Benedict.

He was the first of my friends that started mapling with me. He was the one that played maple with me during our peak too (2008).

We were in the same class in lower sec too. And we sat together for more than a year. And after that he shifted to the seat behind me.

To be honest I don't have as much of the bitch-factor to talk to him. But yet we can still talk. And confide. And care and look out for each other.

I've such a great friend. And I'm glad the immersion came to remind me of this. If not it might have just faded away as we grew apart. Now I'll just remember to try harder to keep "u" and "s" together haha.

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This morning I'm blogging cause I'm just feeling the oddly overwhelming sense of emoness. I decided to take my mind away from the hosts by plugging in my ear pieces. And songs that I'd rather listen to today were all those of separation longing and regret. I'm quite sure it's related to the trip.

I was actually thinking. Why didn't I cry during the sec 4 Eoy. And during results and when we were all going to different schools. I dont think it's cause I don't love them as much. But probably perhaps I know that I can still meet them cause we're bounded by something so much more tangible.

For the people in this Taiwan trip. After this Taiwan trip will we still keep in touch? Will people still have the capacity within them to hold both emotions and academic pursuits at the same time?

I know it's just thinking too far ahead or thinking too much. But can anyone really tell me we can make time to have all 77 people in the same room anymore.

What about the nice people we've met overseas? It's so hard to have a sudden close relationship with anyone you met within a week, who is someone with a complete different cultural upbringing and mindset.

And even if we do keep in touch. Will it be for the purpose of getting to know the person so much more to the extent of being like close friends? And what's the point of it at all. Perhaps a friend to visit when we go to the country again? Don't you fucktards tell me for business opportunities.

I don't know. Friendships seem so intangible the more and more and more you forge along the way. I don't know if that sentence makes sense. Like when you have a few close friends. They are everything. But when you start making more friends you want to try to become good friends with them cause they deserve it as a person and you like them for who they are. But then at that stage will they be willing to reciprocate, cause they already have their decent acceptable number of friends. And once you do people of your past move on and you might not have made new friends to fill in the cavity of loneliness.

In the end. Who are really your best friends. This terms has already been somewhat forsaken in the people especially boys of our age. With no constant reassurance that they still regard you as best friends, I feel somewhat "attention seeking" and fearful that im now alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Because I give my all into people I know I can go beyond as acquaintances into friends, and good friends to close friends to best friends. But sometimes I don't feel that constant reassurance that I need to overwhelm my senses of inferiorities.

Perhaps that why I felt the way I did, 'Justin'.